Consent happens when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to take part by choice. They also need to have the freedom and capacity to make that choice. Find out more about what ‘freedom’ and ‘full capacity’ means in the context of consent according to Brook.

Someone doesn’t have the freedom and capacity to agree to sexual activity by choice if:

• They are asleep or unconscious
• They are incapacitated from drink or drugs, or have been ‘spiked’
• They are pressured, manipulated, tricked or scared into saying 'yes’
• The other person is using physical force against them

Please bear in mind, however, these are just a few examples of what consent doesn’t look like.

Another way of thinking about it is consent is someone saying ‘yes’ only when they REALLY mean ‘yes’ because it is something they genuinely want to do, not because they feel like they should or don’t understand what it is they are agreeing to. This is sometimes called ‘enthusiastic consent’. By communicating with your partner, discussing what they do and don't want and what you do and don't want, you can ensure consent. 

If you don’t understand consent, or what actions may be considered non-consensual, watch the Thames Valley Police explain consent in this short video.

Communicating Consent

Practicing consent doesn’t have to interrupt the flow of sex. It means paying attention to your partner’s actions, words and sounds every time you have sex and throughout each sexual encounter.  

According to Brook, you should take a moment to: 

• Ask your partner if sexual activity is what they want and if it feels good. 
• Listen to what they say. 
• Read your partner’s body language.  

Giving consent

Practicing good consent involves checking in with yourself and thinking about your feelings, emotions and body.  

• Mental: what am I thinking?  
• Emotional: how am I feeling? 
• Physical: how is my body responding?  

Remember:

Although our bodies give us cues, we always need to take our thoughts and emotions into account as well. Just because your body is responding in a certain way doesn’t mean you have to have sex if you don’t want to. 

Withdrawing consent

You have the right to withdraw consent at any time and, when you do, you partner(s) should respect your wishes immediately and without question. Just because you have consented to one thing doesn’t mean you have consented to something else, and it’s completely OK to say no or stop at any point if you don’t want to continue. 

You don’t have to explain to your partner(s) why you have withdrawn consent if you don’t want to. And you can give consent again if your feelings change and you want to continue.